A mile and a half
by mamakashi
Summary: Midorima and Akashi have mysteriously swapped bodies and are now out to ruin each other's lives. [akamido]


When Midorima wakes up alone in an unfamiliar bed one morning, he has two thoughts.

_This is Akashi's bed._ There's a part of him that thinks perhaps he should feel a bit creepy for having identified Akashi's bed solely by scent. He's never been to Akashi's house before.

_Aomine's fucking with me._ Because Midorima had no recollection of the previous night past having crawled into his own bed, and he needed _someone_ to blame.

Out of habit, he gropes around for his glasses, which are no where to be found. He realizes everything seems to be in focus anyway. Clearly Aomine had gone through the trouble of picking up contact lenses and fitting them into his eyes while he was asleep. How did he obtain his prescription anyway? The slightly less believable alternative was that he had become Spiderman.

He sits up in bed, slides his legs over the edge and comes face to face with Akashi, who's staring back just as confused as he is. It doesn't quite register that Midorima's staring at his own reflection in a mirror until he opens his mouth to speak.

"Akashi?" He hears himself say in a smooth tenor voice instead of his own deeper one.

Oh no. Nonono, he had become _Akashi Seijuurou_. Midorima was starting to suspect that perhaps Aomine had nothing to do with this. Immediately, he scans the room for Akashi's phone, spots it sitting on the bedside stand and makes a grab for it but misses. _Right_—his arms were shorter now, among other things. He recalibrates successfully, and dials his own number.

It rings three times before someone picks up.

"Akashi…? What are you calling this early in the morning for?" Unmistakably, it's his own voice on the other line, but not quite the words he was expecting.

Midorima feels his stomach sink. "I—you—." He had not considered the possibility that it was not Akashi who was inhabiting his body, for if not Akashi, then who?

The voice on the other end seems to laugh in reply. "Yes, it's me, Shintarou."

Midorima has never felt so relieved to hear the familiar smugness of Akashi's voice. "What happened?" Midorima asks, panic rising in his head. "What do we do?"

"It's a test. There's clearly a lesson to be learned from this predicament." It sounds a bit like bullshit, but Akashi sounds so frighteningly calm given the situation that Midorima's nearly convinced. Plus, he doesn't really have any other ideas. "We'll resume each other's regular lives and activities. You're familiar with my schedule, correct? "—

Midorima arrives at school late, mostly because he spends half an hour agonizing over whether if he should be carrying Cancer's lucky item or Sagittarius'. In the end, he decides it couldn't hurt to have both. Also, he gets lost in Akashi's walk-in closet. Twice.

Classes pass with little incident, although a 'nanodayo' or two does manage to slip out, except everyone seems to find it charming instead of weird. Female students seem to conveniently trip into his arms at every turn. By the end of the day, Midorima stops catching them altogether, stepping aside to watch as they fall on their faces. Akashi could afford to lose a few admirers, Midorima thinks scathingly.

* * *

"Don't worry," Midorima tells a 6'5" tall Akashi when he comes around to Midorima's classroom. "I kept my eyes closed when I showered this morning."

"Is that so?" Akashi slips into the empty seat in front of Midorima's. "I've already given you a thorough inspection." He says casually as he sets up the shogi board for their usual round of lunchtime shogi. Midorima has no response to this except to flush indignantly. He's a little disappointed when Akashi elaborates no further but he's not about to ask.

It quickly becomes obvious that though their bodies had switched their minds had not. Mid-game, there is one turn that Akashi takes more than 5 seconds pondering, which is an uncharacteristically long time for him. Midorima wonders if he's stumped Akashi for once.

"I cannot be seen losing." Akashi finally says, meeting his eyes, and Midorima 's a little comical how pained Akashi looks with each mistake he's forced to make. It's also a little sad that Midorima's still losing. Eventually, Akashi starts _telling_ Midorima which pieces to move and where.

"Theoretically, I won." Akashi says after the match, looking like a broken, hollow shell of a man.

Midorima smugly raises a hand to adjust his frames only to remember he wasn't wearing any. "Let's play again." Akashi gives him a nasty look for that and pays it forward by missing every 3-pointer during practice.

"Yo Akashi, say something to this asshole." Aomine complains when a stray ball comes barreling straight for his head. It almost seems intentional.

"I forgot my lucky item today. Nanodayo."

"Could you not do that?" Midorima hisses at Akashi, who looks at him and promptly misses another basket by an exaggerated 15 feet.

"Do what?" —

The next day, Midorima scores 100% on Akashi's exam.

"This is going to impact my rank," says Midorima, like he's distressed about it but not really.

"Uhhhh, I don't get it," Aomine says. "What's the problem?"

"Mm, well Aka-chin usually scores higher than that," Murasakibara comments as he peers at the graded exam.

"_How is that even possible?_?"

* * *

"You seem to think I don't play the piano," Akashi raises a brow at Midorima when Midorima urges Akashi to cancel the piano recital Midorima has scheduled in a few days.

"Because you _don't_."

"You're wrong, Shintarou."At the recital, Akashi proves his point by playing a riveting rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star while everyone in attendance glances down quizzically at their programs.

"I moved a woman to tears." Akashi's holding an armful of flowers afterwards. He looks almost proud.

"_Yes_, because it was _that_ terrible."

* * *

Midorima comes home in a sour mood and flings his tie and jacket off before sinking into Akashi's ridiculously luxe bed.

_Tch_. He catches a flash of red in the bedside mirror. Seeing Akashi's face in his reflection should have pissed him off further.

But he's never seen Akashi look so affected before. He watches as Akashi's knitted brows soften, how those mismatched eyes lose their hard look, and how abashed he suddenly appears as a thought crosses Midorima's mind.

If Akashi had taken the opportunity to inspect his goods, what was stopping Midorima from doing the same? Midorima wanted to think himself proper, but really he was just a teenage boy. He maneuvers Akashi's body into several positions, from coy to teasing to outright suggestive. _Goddamn_, Akashi would look good touching himself like that, Midorima thinks, watching as Akashi caresses himself lightly through his pants, expression an exaggerated come-hither. He's hooked as Akashi applies firmer touches, the outline of his cock growing more apparent with each stroke.

"_Ah_…" Midorima freezes as soon as the noise leaves his throat, unbidden, and blood rushes hotly towards his nether regions. "Mm…" He tests, feeling just a little guilty about using Akashi's voice so inappropriately. But not so guilty.

The Akashi in the mirror unbuttons his pants, making a slow show of undressing himself before allowing them drop to the floor. The muscles of his abdomen ripple and tighten as he maneuvers onto his back, propped up by an elbow. He runs excited fingers down his stomach, following the light trail of auburn hair to where the tip of Akashi's cock is peeking from the band of his dark boxer shorts.

"Shintarou," Midorima tests, lightly brushing his clothed erection. That didn't sound quite right. Too forced. Not convincing enough. He tries again, this time with more need and more urgency.

"_Shintarou_…fuck me. _Now_—." Midorima would've cringed at his uninspired choice of language if it hadn't sounded so completely _hot_ coming from Akashi's mouth. He's mesmerized as Akashi reaches into his underwear, eyes locked with his own as he strokes himself, panting and writhing solely for Midorima's viewing pleasure. Soon, he's tugging his shorts off, erection bobbing thick and free against his stomach, and legs splayed obscenely wide. He reaches down, cupping his balls and rolls them in his palm.

"_Ha…ha…hurry, Shintarou. Need you—unnh—in me_…" Akashi brings two fingers to his mouth and sucks as he pumps them in and out. It doesn't't take much for Midorima to imagine his own cock stretching Akashi's lips in place of those fingers.

He sits up and turns himself over on fours, upper body half twisted around so that he can see Akashi in the mirror. He feels himself harden all over again at the sight of Akashi's offered ass, firm buttocks and a puckered entrance in need of fucking. He brings wet fingers to it and rubs around the opening briefly before impatiently sliding them both in at once.

_S_o tight and so unspoiled, Midorima wants to feel himself buried in Akashi, feel the clamping resistance of Akashi's inner walls, and hear Akashi crying out greedily for more.

"Shintarou…_Shintarou_, more…aa-ah—_ah_—." Akashi's voice demands, fingers moving in and out faster and faster, winding him so good and taut until he finally snaps and collapses, breathing hard into the sheets.

* * *

The next day, Midorima's not quite sure how he's going to look Akashi in the face, but all is quickly forgotten when he sees Akashi carrying a medium-sized box.

"What. Is that."

"Condoms."

"I can see that, but _why_ do you have them and_ in bulk_?"

"Because it's my lucky item," Akashi smiles. "The more the luckier."

"That is neither Cancer nor Sagittarius' lucky item of the day."

"Didn't you know? I'm subscribed to another source now."

_To what, the Manual of Safe Sex?_

"_Hey, Trojan-man!_" One of Midorima's classmates call out to him, and Akashi promptly tosses a condom his way.

"I think your classmates have bestowed upon you a new, endearing nickname, by the way."

For a moment, Midorima has this horrible vision of Akashi with a sack of condoms like a Santa Claus who's come to bring holiday cheer and lower STD rates. Midorima really just wants to not exist after this.

* * *

After classes, Midorima calls for a practice match and uses every opportunity he has to anklebreak Akashi. Midorima doesn't even care that he's essentially bruising his own ass.

"Shin—Akashi," Akashi says evenly as he picks himself off the ground. "You realize I'm on your team, don't you?"

"I don't even know what's going on anymore." Aomine is more confused than pissed as he stares at them from across the court.

"Sexual frustration," says Kuroko. "Can't you feel it from here?"

"Is that what it is?" Asks Kise. "It almost feels as if Akashicchi and Midorimacchi switched bodies and now they're just screwing with each other."

"Why the hell would you think that?" Aomine looks at Kise like he's some incorrigible kind of idiot.

Which he is.

At some point, Akashi starts telling people that Midorima is part tree. Midorima doesn't think anyone's stupid enough to believe it but Kise proves him wrong. It's too bad people actually listen to the things Kise says. It's also too bad that choking Kise wasn't an appropriate response to hearing him ask Akashi of which variety Midorima's ancestor had been.

* * *

When Midorima attends an arranged meeting with the heiress of one of Kyoto's wealthiest families, Midorima makes it a point to repeatedly hint at an illicit love affair he's having with his favorite horse. He uses words like _buxom beauty_ and _tantalizing tease_.

When they part at the end, she politely wishes him and his horse a life of happiness.

* * *

Apparently Midorima's last prank was enough of an assault on Akashi's personal life that Akashi decides to appear one evening just as Midorima's stepped out of the shower.

"How did you get here?" Midorima asks, quickly shielding himself with a towel before realizing it didn't matter.

"This is my room, of course I know the ins and outs." It was really unfair how small Akashi made him feel now that he had both intellectual _and_ physical advantage. "Shintarou." He comes nearer while Midorima backs away. "I think it's time we ended this feud of ours."

"Well," Midorima stammers, as his thighs back into the edge of bed. "It's not as if I've been enjoying this." He eases onto the mattress, gut twisting as he confesses, "Living your life I've come to realize that I…reside in a very small part of it."

Akashi is still for a moment. "Hm," he says cryptically before sliding closer to capture Midorima's mouth, slow and attentive. Though it doesn't quite feel the same, Akashi's movements are familiar.

"…You're aroused," Midorima says thickly when they part for air.

"It's been awhile." Akashi murmurs, drawing away the towel in Midorima's lap.

"Wait." Midorima stops him. "It's not that I don't want this but it's…really strange to see me seduce myself."

Akashi laughs and sinks down to his knees. "Then close your eyes, just for a little bit."

Midorima does as he's told as Akashi proceeds to give him the best blowjob he's ever had. It was Akashi's body—of course he knew exactly where to lick, and tongue, and suck. The accompaniment of Midorima moaning with Akashi's voice was an added bonus.

"What about you?" Midorima asks, limp and sated as Akashi slips into bed with him.

"You'd feel strange touching yourself, wouldn't you? It's alright."

* * *

"By the way," Akashi says as he's on the verge of drifting off to sleep. "If there's anything you should've learned, it's that you're a rather significant part of my life."

Miidorima makes a confused noise.

"There are countless things that demand my attention…but I'm here because I want to be."

* * *

Midorima wakes with a body pressed tight against his back. Groggily, he rolls over and finds himself staring into red and gold, hazy and half-lidded.

"Hi," he mumbles, only vaguely aware that he was back in his own body.

Akashi replies with an incoherent sound and they spend a few minutes slowly waking, blinking sleepily at each other.

"You know," Akashi brightens like he's just remembered something. "…_I_ learned something important from this ordeal, as well."

"What?"

"That your ass looks incredible in women's lingerie," Akashi laughs, as Midorima realizes for the first time he's got a wedgie.


End file.
